Healing The Healer: My Surprising Memoir Of My Journey Into Healing "Chronic Lyme Disease"

I can tell you that every person that has a chronic illness, whether it be lyme disease, crohn's, chronic pain, autoimmune diseases, etc! The one thing I know is that we all heal differently. Our bodies are so uniquely designed and what works for one person may not work for another. And when someone has a "chronic illness" no two people are the same in the symptoms that present. There may be some text book signs, but how we each handle our pain and choose to heal from our pain is directly in the power of ones own hands. This is where I will start with my journey into healing because its not what you are probably thinking and it is definitely not what I expected!
I knew something really big was coming. I had shared with a few friends that I felt like parts of me were going to be coming back and some pretty big insights were going to happen for me while I was away. In the healing world, we call this an initiation. An initiation is possible when big, life changing events happen in ones life. Anything from a birth, a death, a health crisis, or stepping into a new decade can all be considered an initiation. It felt tremendous and had created anxiety for me. Often times when someone is about to enter a ceremony, or are about to experience a huge transition anxiety can occur. I also knew I had doubts about the treatment not working, being told once again that I would feel better and this was the answer, and especially doubts in regards to if my 8 years of insomnia would be resolved. On top of all of those anxious feelings, I didn't want to be in Florida. I grew up there, I hated it there, and I just wanted to be in the Northwest for the beautiful summer and long awaited sunshine! But I knew this was no coincidence and a God send that I even found this holistic clinic for treating lyme disease. I literally met someone while making a purchase on craigslist that told me of this place and I knew my life had to change. I contemplated every night whether I wanted to stay in this world living a life full of pain and having no energy to thrive. This was a sign and I went for it!
I don't know when it happened. All I know, is that all of these huge shifts started to taking place once I arrived in FL. I wish I could tell all of you who have Lyme that its a straight shot to healing, but its not for most of us. And most of you know this, but what I am saying is nothing is a cure all. If your expecting to go somewhere and get fast results, you might as well not go. My experience physically has been a bit challenging. I was told that no herxing happens, which it didn't. I was told we all heal differently, and we do. I was told not to compare my process to others, and I did (of course because this is what we do as humans!) which in turn caused a lot of turmoil. I was told that they would help me to heal and feel better and they did and still are in the process (but there was more to what they were doing that was helping me). The truth is, my journey at the clinic was difficult. I didn't sleep the entire 5 weeks I was there, which was the one thing I really wanted restored and was told this was the one thing they do for folks. I was also in extreme pain almost the entire time I was there. My neck was burning, I wasn't sleeping, I had a headache almost everyday. All I could make of what was happening was that I was detoxing. Not in a herxing kind of way and not from any type of drugs because I was on no pharmaceuticals. I was detoxing emotions. Very toxic emotions and I was also letting go of other peoples energies. It was intense and eye opening to say the least. And all during this time, things were shifting and changing on such an immense level that words cannot describe it. I don't know if these shifts happened because of who I am as a person and my spirituality and connection to spirit. I don't have the answer, but my path was so profound that it has changed my life forever and how I view health and healing. My connection to the land and place I grew up on was profound and I fell in love with Florida all over again. I had so much support, energetically, spiritually, and emotionally. Things showed up that I had no idea were still with me and I can tell you I cried the most I have allowed myself to cry in probably 25 years or more! I danced by myself so hard one night that I was sobbing, punching, laughing, and yelling. Just giving myself space to allow things to pour out of my body and express themselves like they never have before. I did mirror work, journaled, did EFT, woke up to murders of crows every morning, gave all my pain to the ocean, and prayed and prayed and prayed. And.... the water and the earth took it all and slowly the pain would leave. By the 5th week, I felt better. FINALLY! Of course, re-entry into Seattle was a bit rough but I slowly got back on track.
To give you a little bit of a background about what it is I do and why this is so profound, I need to back track a bit. I have been into the healing arts for 17 years. One of my first spiritual teachers was an energy healer who told me I would be doing what she did one day, so she taught me how to feel energy and how to work on people. I started reading books by Caroline Myss, Doreen Virtue, and Deepak Chopra in my early 20s. The energy healing world is no new thing to me, and yes, it is something that I offer! I have always believed in energy because of what I feel, hear, and see when I work on others. I have had some of the most profound spiritual experiences and truly believe in the work and our connection with spirit. But something shifted for me this trip, something changed me and has led me to believe that this is really the only way we can heal our physical body and this is why...
Every test I have gotten back in regards to my health has come back clear, besides my lyme tests of course. I have evidence of having the DNA markers for lyme, and other co-infections, but nothing is active in my system at this moment in time. At the clinic, they did a FRY test which smears a drop of your blood and can detect any pathogens in your blood. They look for biofilms, lyme, co-infections, candida, and mold. I have been told in the past, through muscle testing, that I have all of these things. What did the FRY tell me..... that I have none of these things! NONE...... nothing at all. And this confused me! Ok then, why do I feel so crappy and why can I not sleep? I have inflammation in my system for sure, probably due to my sleep issues. But the rest, why am I presenting like I have this disease and my blood is clean? Yes, I know, it can still be in there. To be honest, I no longer identify with having any illness. I no longer say I have Lyme, I don't even want to be told I have lyme because I don't want to give my energy to anything that is negative in my body. Our thoughts, words, and actions can feed energies, both good and bad. So the answer that became very clear to me was that I am making myself sick, or something was blocking me from healing.
Right before I left for my trip, my naturopath said to me, "Have you thought that there might be some blockage that is keeping you sick? Like a thought, or belief that you can't get better, or that you don't want to get better?" Yes, my answer was yes. While I was at the clinic, through the chiropractor I was seeing, I met a Columbian energy healer/shaman. He is amazing and right after the first session of him working on me, without me telling him what was going on, he said, "You are not going to get better and heal all of this pain in your body if you do not clear these emotions from your body. You can see all kinds of doctors, take all kinds of pills and supplements, but you will not heal if these things aren't cleared." And, right after that.... a sweet woman I befriended at the clinic told me about this book How To Heal Yourself When No One Else Can by Amy B. Scher. Amy teaches people, and she used to have debilitating lyme, how to clear energy from the body and heal yourself. She gives you empowerment tools basically! Third times a charm! It was all right in front of me! The message was that I clearly needed to do some deep healing on parts of my self that haven't been healed. Parts I thought were healed, parts I forgot about, parts that have caused emotional turmoil and pain. These are all very important contributors to disease. These types of things show up in our body because our spirit and soul are crying for help. And part of this is showing up as "chronic illness". We ask ourselves, why can't I get better? Why am I always tired? I'm trying everything and nothing is working! We get frustrated and angry and feel depleted and hopeless which really is fueling the fire towards not healing. I know, its hard to digest and its HUGE! Big time HUGE!
When I was first diagnosed with Lyme I remember thinking to myself, "This is completely about learning to love myself". I have always been hard on myself, felt bad about myself, felt not good enough and unlovable. These are generational and most likely ancestral beliefs for me, ones that have been passed down through my parents and probably their parents and relatives. How do I know this? I see it in my family and have felt from those who raised me. I have also had conversations with my parents and dug around a bit to get to know where they were coming from and why certain things were how they were when I was growing up. I've even asked about my birth story, which gave me some huge insights! My upbringing was full of being told we were not good enough and that we were in the way of another's life. Rarely were we hugged, held, soothed, appreciated, acknowledged, and given healthy attention and affection. Stresses and tension were very high in my household and children take these energies on and we hold them inside. We pick up on conversations and emotions in the womb. This has been scientifically proven! I know this is a pattern that has been passed down through the generations of my family. When we feel we are not good enough, why would we want to heal? If we felt love for ourselves, we would know that we deserve to be healthy. We deserve to feel good about who we are, we do feel good about who we are. But, when you grow up feeling that you are not good enough and not worthy, you turn into a victim. I have been a victim since I was about 3 and when I got a diagnosis for a disease I knew nothing about, there was some part of me that clung to that and ran with it. There was some part of me that knew I could get the attention I had always wanted, the love, and the affection, just like I did as a child. I would always say I didn't feel good to get attention from others, specifically my parents. I engrained this belief into my subconscious mind. Being sick=getting my needs met and feeling loved. We manifest dis-ease and illness through our belief systems. In other words, we create our illnesses and dis-ease.
I can tell you from experience, this is a hard one to swallow. I would do anything to get myself out of pain and discomfort. Relying on others to make my body feel better wasn't working anymore and it wasn't how I wanted to live my life. So, I dove into the most uncomfortable places of my being. I took the time and the space to really take care of myself and listen to my higher Self and higher power. While I've spent the majority of the past few years by myself, I never took the time to really listen to what I needed or what I wanted. I was so worried about making enough money to survive and helping others, because that is what I love to do! I love to give, but receiving and asking for what I need has been such a challenge! For 5 weeks, I really listened. And it was the most life changing and difficult, most uncomfortable (both physically and emotionally) I think I may have ever been. We have to go there! We have to find out what our core beliefs around ourselves are and start to shift them, or we will create dis-ease. I have no doubt in my mind. I can honestly say, I was a bit skeptical. Even after all I've known! After all of these years of studying different forms of energy work and healing modalities! I had to go through it myself in order to really get it! And it is for real! It works. There is no woo woo ness here, this is scientifically proven stuff people. The path of the wounded healer....
Did the IV's work that the clinic gave me? yes. There is no doubt that the holistic, all natural IV's built my immune system back up and have began the journey of my balancing my neurotransmitters. There are still some physical aspects that we are working with, but it is all coming along. What I do know is that if I get stressed and don't take care of my energy body, I feel like crap. My neck flares up and I feel awful. The difference is, I know what to do to help myself and I know it is emotionally related. So, where am I now, 2 months after I left for treatment?
Well, I recently found the best hemp cbd oil on the market, and it's been helping me so much. It literally takes away any neck pain I experience and has started to help me sleep! I honestly don't know why I never tried it before, even when people suggested it! I love this medicine! Its clean and potent and it can help so many of us. I believe in the medicine so much I became an independent affiliate and am offering it to my clients! The only pills I take are supplements that are helping to build up my serotonin levels up and thats it. No herbs, no meds, nothing to kill any pathogens. So far its working. I will tell you I still have bad days, which usually look like me feeling worn down from over doing it. You see, we still have to build up the strength in our body and our energy and this takes time and patience. My main issue is really just figuring out my neck pain, which is more structural than anything. Would I recommend the clinic? Yes, if you have the time and money, yes. The tests they run are wonderful, having the space to rest is crucial, and building up your body's immune system is vital to your ability to thrive. Would I buy the recommended books below and find an amazing energy worker to help? YES, YES, YES! Would I still take care of my physical body? Heck yes! We experience the soul and spirit through our bodies, so we need to care for them just as much as our energy body. Keep our lymphatic system clean is crucial, eating whole foods, bodywork, and exercise will all keep our energy high and our bodies healthy. We all have a different path to healing and I will say, the path that looks the easiest usually isn't the right one. You choose for yourself. I hope this was helpful and insightful! And I wish you all the best on your journey! Much love and many hugs!
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Recommended readings:
How To Heal Yourself When No One Else Can by Amy B. Scher (she also has great Youtubes)
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
The Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton
Energy Medicine by Donna Eden
For more information on the worlds most pure and potent hemp oil (Its been proven, I'm not just saying this!) and to place an order, or learn how to become an affiliate with a beautifully heart centered company, please visit:
nuruturingsol.primemybody.com